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The HappySadKid

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The HappySadKid

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June 27th, 2016

Hey you

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You're still beautiful, after all these years.

Yes, you. I'm talking about you, not her. I know you're reading this. It's you i love, you silly girl.

May 16th, 2012

(no subject)

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only two people in my friends list are still using live journal. livejournal isn't cool anymore. livejournal is lonely. don't worry livejournal i'll start using you again. i'll write on your white pages and use you for catharsis, the way i did before.

funny, i used livejournal mostly as catharsis for all the confusing and mostly painful feelings caused by my college crush/first emotional cathexis or whatever that was.

that's a thing from the distant past now. so now, after i quit from my current show and transfer to a more relaxed one, i would post one picture a week that effectively summarized my experience for that week. hooray.

July 1st, 2011

(no subject)

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i'll submit my resignation letter this week. i'll make it sound as nice as possible. fuckers!

June 7th, 2011

(no subject)

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im quitting after i finish this episode. whetther i have back up show or not.

April 25th, 2011

(no subject)

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tang ina! bad trip! bat ba ako ping-titripan tang ina! bat andami sobra hinahnaap??? bat ung kay kuya san di pa nga nakaspiels from chaka andaminsegue na hindi relted ok lang. tungkol sa posion at sa sayaw na ginagawa tas ko hinde pwedeng mga ganun. anabo!!! tang ina nio naman!

(no subject)

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it's hard to live life without you.

April 6th, 2011

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i am a stupid, judgmental, self-centered person. most people just don't notice. but you know what? so is everyone else.

i guess my difference from other stupid, judgmental, self-centered people is that i know that i am stupid, judgmental, and self-centered and i try my best not to be. i pretend that i am in a reality show and that someone, somewhere is watching my every move. in that way, my desire to appease and be likable overrides my natural state of being stupid, judgmental, and self-centered.

March 1st, 2011

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kung ano ano nalang ang nilalagay ko sa treatment na to! anlabo kasi e. tang ina. as in ang labo! puta talking heads nalang e. dapat kasi may journey si Kuya KIm e. pero putang ina wala akong journey na mailalagay dito. Puros trivia lang ng trivia si Kuya KIM non-stop!

February 28th, 2011

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pretending to be dumb is taking its toll.
abs is sucking the life out of me but i need to eat and i need money.
why is the world like this?

why must earning a living be painful?
why can;t we do the things we love and earn money at the same time?

December 7th, 2010

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as milan kundera pointed out, we all have our own definitions of love. sacrifice, redemption, sanctuary. probably a million other things.

i'm still trying to figure out mine. people are more complex than characters created by people to represent ideas.

but whatever my definition of love is, i am certain it involves this very strong feeling that takes control of me whenever i look at you when you're sleeping, or when you're hugging me with your head on my chest and your eyes closed. actually it is wrong to call it a feeling. feeling is too weak of a word. i would rather call it conviction. a strong-willed decision. a calling.

i will never hurt you.

of course i do sometimes in my own little obnoxious ways like not texting back, forgetting important dates, being late all the time.

but i will never hurt you in the life-scarring way my dad did to my mom. never.

i just browsed facebook and saw that my brother's ex has just listed herself as single. and one of my cousins typed in his status that he was really happy. that someone makes him happy like no one else did. i know he has someone in his life. and i know that he wasn;t talking about that someone.

break ups make me sad but it's hard to blame people who break up with their loved ones. how can we be angry at someone who;s just trying ti pursue his own happiness? isn't that the goal of every living thing on earth? avoid pain and pursue pleasure? roses reach up and turn their heads towards the sun, seeking pleasure. they grow thorns to avoid being plucked or damaged, avoiding pain. fishes swim away from sharks to avoid pain, and they swim towards food seeking pleasure. it's what every living thing does. it's what we do. we move towards pleasure and move away from pain.

what about us? sometimes it's pleasureable to stay with you and sometimes its painful. and this will go on. staying with you will always be a cycle of pain and pleasure. people who decide to leave someone maybe feeling more pain than pleasure, hence their decision.

if we come to that, what'll happen if staying with you becomes more painful than pleasurable?

nothing.

because my decision to stay with you is beyond pleasure and pain. it is my calling. and you know what? living things have callings too and these calling go beyond pleasure and pain.

just think about the salmon. salmon live in the sea but once int heir lifetime, for some unknown reason, they go against their nature of avoiding pain and seeking pleasure by migarting towards fresh water. every one of them swims miles and miles just to reach the place where they were born, in soft still pools. they fight the sea and the currents of the rivers and swim while almost every other creature feed on them. dolphins shark bears humans.

you might say stupid salmon. why doesn't it just lay its eggs in the sea and avoid all those painful experiences. what a stupid creature.

but it isn;t. it really isn;t. because what it's doing is beyond the usual realm of pleasure and pain that governs all living things. it's doing its calling. and that goes beyond pleasure and pain.


haha. salmon. my love for you is like a salmon. maybe i'll give you a salmon necklace for your birthday. hahaha. and you won't know what it's about. i'll keep it a secret. you'll probably smile your sarcastic smile and mock my lack of romance. you'll probably whine that i can be so romantic in my stories and ideas but never in real life. you'll probaly even think that i was just too lazy or too much of a cheapskte yo buy you a real gift so i bought the first thing i saw, a salmon necklace.

or maybe you'll do that but when you go to bed at night, and rest your head on your pillow, and you close you eyes and sleep, you'll know. you'll know why i gave you that salmon.

this has been my first entry after a while.vyou won;t be able to read this of course. this journal is one of the few secrets i keep from you. or maybe its the only one. silly. i allow my most private of thoughts to be be read by just about anyone interested but not by you. hahaha. why do i do that? i'll leave that for another time.

one more thing. CHEATERS and LEAVERS and USERS, i pity you. you are creatures who have yet to understand what ti feels like to have a calling and have something that goes beyond pleasure and pain. i pity you. you may die without feeling it at all. poor creatures.
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